college update

It is time to write down my experience being a full-time on-campus college student. 

I am in my second semester and I have a million emotions. 

I jump from the highest highs to the lowest of lows regularly. 

Often within a few hours. 

I tell everyone my vulnerability meter is maxed out.

It takes every ounce of energy to convince myself that I belong amidst the cute, ambitious 20-year-olds. 

Some days, I come home and feel confident in my decision. 

Other days, I come home and reconsider ever making this decision.

Honorable mentions from this chapter that I don't want to forget:

• I applied for a scholarship and I needed letters of recommendation. I asked two of my professors, and they both wrote incredible letters that touched me. I found out yesterday that I was awarded the scholarship! 
• For a final project in a Digital Media Essentials class, my group created a human interest piece that received glowing remarks from my professor. We worked so hard on it and it felt incredibly fulfilling to be recognized.
• At the end of the semester, I thought that I was going to get a few B's. I was disappointed because my goal was straight A's, but in the end, the stars aligned and I achieved my goal!
• I finally feel comfortable walking around campus and I am starting to learn my way around. The first semester was eye-opening and I always felt a little out of place. Now that my feet are wet, I am breathing a little easier and feeling more confident. 
• In a class, the professor was talking about the age of his current classes, and after mentioning they were Gen-Z, he looks at me asks, "You're a Boomer, right?" That was nice. 
• Also, this semester while learning Photoshop, I turned to a classmate and said, "This reminds me of Paint!" She stared at me a bit, and then I asked, "Wait, what year were you born?" "2006." That was nice, too. 
• I took a 3-week course over winter break. When my advisor asked if I would be interested, I was hesitant, but wanting to make future Rachel happy, I enrolled. I am SO glad I did it. Unfortunately, I am taking a summer course as well, so I will be in school non-stop for over a year.

All in all: This journey has been incredible. Even with all of the stresses that come with, I enjoy education. It feels good to do a hard thing on purpose. I used to drive past the campus and see young people with their backpacks and I thought, "I won't ever get to experience that." Many mornings now, I make sure to stop and appreciate the reality of the "college experience."